Category Archives: poetry

i sit here alone
in gray shadows.
i cry these tears.
no one knows.
the pain is
breaking me.
letting out my
desperate cries.

it was the same routine every night —
walk the halls.
check the stacks.
turn out the lights.

when the last door was locked
she saw her tired smile in the glass.

this night,
her smile was too bright
and her eyes crinkled
where they shouldn’t.

the reflection wasn’t hers

---

i scream away my pain,
crying for the lost little girl
hiding inside of me.
 
knees drawn up, head tucked down,
small fingers pulling at little curls.
ribbons choking.
 
begging. screaming.
wrapped in chains.
held within the darkness.
 
searching for the spark
that can set her free—
finding only a void.

i have to be okay
i have to be okay
i have to be okay
i have to be okay
i have to be okay
i have to be okay
i have to be okay

(i am not okay)

beauty is
the sparkle in your eye
after you’ve told a dirty joke.
 
joy is
cleaning up the mud you tracked in
after dancing in the rain.
 
peace is
curling up under a
blanket fort in the living room.
 
wellness is
enjoying the last spoonful
of mint chocolate chip ice cream.
 
life is
the unexpected, the messy,
the rain, and the sparkles.

yesterday,
we were essential.

it was essential
that we came to work
sick because they were
understaffed. 

essential meant missing
our child’s game
to work that extra shift, 
or knowing someone else
was putting our child to bed. 

giving thanks
for the microwave dinner
we ate before opening the store
for massive crowds, or
sitting alone in a dark room,
watching the Christmas lights twinkle. 

now we wonder how long a meager
savings account will last. 
the bills pile up as we teach
our child the math we never understood
in the first place.

cutting apart precious clothing
to make masks to keep us safe.
watching worship services on
bandwidth that is too slow. 
the future a blank wall
in front of us. 

tomorrow we will be essential again. 

so why aren’t we essential today?

i need
somewhere to waste away,
a rainy day.
 
i need
to wash away my pain,
this rainy day
 
i am
blurred, distorted, surreal,
my grief.
 
i turn
without a backward glance,
mercy passes by.
 
i try
to disguise the truth inside,
all my pain.

why can’t i ever say
what i’m thinking
to the people closest to me?
 
everything just
—trapped—
in here.
 
all my words written
on pages
they never see.

let it all go.
let it all shatter.
let all the pieces
of the person you used to be
fall to the floor
and turn to ash.
 
now rise and
set the world on fire.

words cause pain.
blinding rage.
words that tear
out your heart.
pieces that come
back to you with
grass stains
and broken stitches.
pieces that are never
put back together.
 
he smiles and
does not understand.